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Peanuts, indeed.
January 22, 2023, 12:53 a.m.

I think I have to turn in my introvert card. This weekend is DRAGGING. When I read the aftercare instructions I saw that I can't even look at my laptop for very long because yes, Virginia, it can cause skin damage. So much for getting some work done. I'll have to cram a lot in on Monday, but at least the day will go fast. I'm supposed to be applying sunscreen every 2 to 4 hours but I've opted for just staying out of the window and away from screens, for the most part.

The swelling is becoming definitive and lumpy. When I press the bulges under my eyes they jiggle like Jell-O when I let go. My cheeks feel like water balloons.

Some "coffee grounds" are coming up, but not nearly like I had with the Halo, when it looked like someone had baked dark brown sugar on my face. I guess all of that sunscreen since the Halo (November 2021) kept me from getting much hyperpigmentation. Wear sunscreen, people. Seriously.

Really do not like sitting around at home. I've gotten used to getting out and doing things with people on the weekend.

Inigo fusses a lot so the new rule is that when I'm home during the day, whether I'm working or sitting around, he goes in the bedroom. He can hang out in the living room for breakfast, dinner, and evening TV snuggles when he gets skritches for an hour, sometimes more, but as soon as he starts getting demanding after breakfast, he goes in the bedroom. Lo and behold, he manages to entertain himself in there: Today he did a good job destroying the latest toy I made for him, so it's not like he's fussing because he's so disabled he can't play. He's just spoiled, heh. Yes, I know, my fault.

At any rate, he gets the living room all to himself, with ParrotTV, when I go to work at the office or am otherwise out for the bulk of the day. That's just the way it has to be, for peace, quiet, and my blood pressure, and honestly? We get along better that way. The exception is that sometimes, if I'm doing background or something simple on a workday at home and it's overcast outside, I'll keep his house in the home office with me, or even hold him on me if I'm just reading research papers. On overcast days he's very mellow, even if he's not aware that it's overcast because he hasn't been near a window. Must be a barometric pressure thing.

I think he also likes the bedroom. He goes next to my bachelor dresser, so he feels all safe and secure, but he still gets a lot of light and he sees the visitors who come to the balcony railing for peanuts, as the balcony is in front of the bedroom window.

Speaking of, I may have to keep the peanuts to the left of the balcony, because today I spied a squirrel in the tree in front of the living room staring at the peanuts closest to the tree like he/she was calculating a jump. I don't want that for several reasons, the biggest of which is that I don't want the little one to miss and get hurt in a fall. But also, I don't want any tears in the privacy screen, nor do I want squirrels trying to get in or running along the rails and then getting into the Viberbeddles flower pots and digging up their plants---which, by the way, are 90% dead, as are Mei's, and my guess is the only reason they haven't cleaned them out is because they, too, have hopped onto the nature bandwagon to provide enrichment, shelter, or nesting material for the birds. In fact, I found half a slice of bread at the base of the tree, carefully placed next to where the peanuts land when I throw them. It's not great to give birds bread, as it's not nutritious for them and doesn't supply the protein they need for energy and to stay warm, but I'm not going to take it away. The Crows will eat it, and Crows are like the goats of the avian world: They will eat anything and everything and don't become reliant on humans for food such that once they get treats like that, that's all they eat.

We'll see what happens in the spring because I'm 99% sure I'm not going to the big meeting (and I'm okay with that and actually prefer it, for the sake of my relationship with Miranda), and if that's the case, I want to try my hand at some container gardening. Probably not vegetables as I know that now birds know my balcony is a cafe, they will come and help themselves. Pretty sure they already help themselves to the Viberbeddles' stuff. But so help me if I see a songbird get stuck to some gnat tape Mei has out there and really needs to take down because it it flipped onto the outer side of the balcony during some heavy wind and it looks pretty nasty and trashy.

Speaking of Mei, she came home with a guy the other night. I think he was visiting, perhaps from China for the new year celebrations. They were out in the hallway having the loudest conversation in Chinese. Then the next day her stereo was blaring. So it's not her. It's the man, and it occured to me that aside from one awful woman who lived next-door to me for six months in my 20s and had to be evicted and the asshole nurses who lived next-door to me before I moved into the last place, nearly every time I've had a noise issue with neighbors, it has been male neighbors or boyfriends of female neighbors. It's like they're so used to owning space and the world at large that they are oblivious to the fact that other people are around them.

Jibbers Krabst, I'm so tired of male privilege and entitlement. I'm so tired of the incessant reminders of their presence, like the whole world has to be aware of them and cater to them at all times. As I said on an Insta account I follow, I'm tired of centering everything I do around the existence of men and how they might harm me. Don't walk alone, a man might attack you. Don't go to a club, a man might drug and rape you. Don't wear a skirt or show cleavage, a man might harass you. Don't pick the wrong man, he might abuse you. Like women are responsible for men's bad behavior, and not the men, themselves. Yeah, hi, I think modern homo sapiens male has the brainpower to understand how to be civil. But then that would take the focus off them and lawdie, we can't have men not be the center of attention.

Anyway, I don't want to work myself into a froth over this, but yeah, it occurred to me that it's usually male neighbors who are responsible for noise issues.

And if you're a feminist, check out farida.d.author on IG. She's got a whole series of books like The List of Shit that Made Me a Feminist, The Second List of Shit That Made Me a Feminist, etc. I think she's working on her eleventh list. And so help me, she is spot on with all of it, like "It's not impressive when a man can cook, clean, and take care of his kids. It's basic. Patriarchy trains us to think that the basic, when done by men, is impressive. But when done by women, it's duty, so that the bar is set to end for men at exactly the point where it begins for women."

AMEN. Yeah, no. Every time I hear someone watching a man play with his kids at a park say something like "Aww, what a great father," I want to say, "Please, he probably only got them out of the house for a couple of hours so his wife could clean it."

Oops, froth. But you know I have a point, heh.

Last Five
Peanuts, indeed.
While the clothes are in the dryer.
Magic numbers.
Cross your fingers.
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